I re-posted the picture (above) on my Instagram page on January 27, 2016. I saw it at @i_amrachelg
This picture and what Rachel G had to say in her caption, speaks volumes about some of today’s relationships. Let me reflect on some things:
When reading the words on the picture I can’t help but to think about myself and how I’ve always viewed my role within a relationship. I was raised to focus on my mission and purpose while making sure that I also stood firmly next to my man to help him with his mission and focus, because guess what? My man should be doing the same for me. Iron sharpens iron.
In my mind and heart I always saw and desired a relationship that was built upon a foundation of love, appreciation, and mutual respect; and shaped by a cycle of giving, supporting, and leading each other to greatness–where we build a dynamic partnership that results in two magnificent empires—his and mine—because let’s keep it real, I’ve never had small dreams.
I’m not alone. I’m not the only woman who thinks this way, who lives this way, who desires this kind of powerhouse relationship, who brings a strong hand of cards to the table—and expects nothing less of the man she loves and cherishes.
A lot of men don’t realize this about their spouses.
They don’t see what their ‘ride or die chick’ is doing behind the scenes to make it possible for their man to do what he does as a man, provider, husband, father, etc.
So fellas, get your head out of the clouds (or wherever it is) and look at the ‘ride or die chick’ beside you. She’s not trying to compete or fight with you. You don’t know what she’s sacrificed for you and for your relationship. You don’t know what she’s doing to protect and uplift you. When you love, appreciate, protect, uplift, and encourage her she will have your back, sides, and your front—she will go to hell and back, and call it a cakewalk, all for you!
Salute her, stand by her, support her, be loyal to her, be faithful to her, be honorable in all ways—you’re supposed to lead (where and when you can); you say you’re the leader, you say you’re the ‘head of household’, then rise up and honorably lead—not dictate or bully—but walk with honor and dignity, and then watch the magic that comes from doing it right. She will walk beside you when you’re living honorably and loving fully.
Ladies, if you aren’t ride or die (and only in it during the good times), if you are only in it for the fame and fortune, then stop lying to your man. If while you’re building yourself up you aren’t looking out for the best interest of your man, then you’re working against your relationship and not for it—you’re working against him not for him, and definitely not with him.
What is he bringing to the table? What are you bringing to the table? Don’t expect more than what you can and will bring to the table. How are you working together as a team?
It’s supposed to be the two of you against the world.
Look at Barack and Michelle Obama—that’s ride or die, they are life partners, it’s them against the world, living as they choose—not how others dictate. Until his second term ended on January 20, 2017, Barack Obama was the most powerful man in the world, but in many ways he still put family above the rest, he still did his domestic responsibilities (in whatever ways that were agreed upon between he and Michelle), he still performed his “duties” as husband and father—and now as a former President, he can still be found doing those same things and living the same way. The Presidency is a temporary position—it’s a job; being a husband and father is a lifelong vow and commitment.
Look what Michelle sacrificed for Barack so that he could be a two-term President. Let’s not forget her ‘big baller’ career she put on the back burner. Let’s not forget placing their daughters in the limelight to be judged, harassed, and ridiculed—and Michelle took and still takes on the idiots who motivated her to coin the phrase, “when they go low, we go high”. There’s a small percentage of women and men who could endure and rise above the hate and darkness that was thrown at the Obama family for more than 10 years.
But Barack and Michelle worked (and continue to work) together, taking care of each other first and foremost, and they communicate communicate communicate. They are partners. They are a team. That’s what makes them such a powerful couple. Long before the Presidency, this was the essence and recipe of this amazing couple. I salute them individually and collectively!
There’s no owner or dictator in the Obama family. There’s a team with two coaches, doing their part to help and watch their team succeed. They swap off offensively and defensively when needed to counter attacks and seize opportunities. They share the responsibility of leading, leveraging one’s strength where the other is weak, for the greater good of the team.
What works for them may not work for you, but that’s the point of this post—build your relationship in the ways that work best for the two of you, and never ever forget that the most important person is your spouse and the most important role that you play is a spouse. It is the only role you assume where there is an expectation that you will serve in this capacity until you take your last breath in this human body.
For those of us who are ride-or-die we know that our love isn’t about looking good, smiling, and being a trophy—it’s about being in those trenches, giving our all, each and every day for and with the person who is standing beside us giving their all to us.
Here’s to the ride-or-die lovers around the world!
Copyright 2018. Natasha L. Foreman. Some Rights Reserved.