I read this article written by Amy Morin, that I thought I would share with my readers to engage in a healthy dialogue about love, how we fall in and out of it, and how we can build upon our relationships to keep the spark alive for years to come.
Morin wrote that usually after two years (according to numerous studies) people’s high intensity feelings for each other begin to subside, as they come off the ‘high’ that falling in love produces. This ‘high’ has been compared to the same intensity associated with the hypomanic phase of bipolar disorder. But for whatever reason, usually after two years, people begin to disconnect from that wild ride and begin seeing themselves and the other person differently.
Morin wrote that oftentimes it’s around this time when a person begins to pull away, be less affectionate, think they are bored or lonely, consider life with someone new, begin having wandering eyes, etc.
They think that something is missing in their relationship, and it is—they stopped investing in the relationship so it gradually became less exciting. The veil was removed, and instead of reinvesting in the relationship and the other person, people tend to pull away even more. It’s not as easy and seemingly effortless as it was in the beginning. Now they have to work at it.
What? Work in a relationship, why?
Morin shared some interesting points such as:
Once the romantic, intense “in love” feelings subside, you have a choice to engage in a more mature love that can be even deeper and more meaningful. Mature love offers couples a true life partner. It doesn’t have to be boring or stale. Instead, it’s what you make of it because it’s based more on how you behave, rather than simply how you feel.
She then goes on to share eighteen things that those in mature love relationships do to keep that spark alive and growing, such as, “People who experience mature love don’t indulge themselves in thoughts that aren’t productive to the relationship” and, “They understand that this is the person they’ve chosen in life and that the relationship will be what they make of it“.
To read the entire article and to find out more about the 18 things people can do to stay in love, visit: 18 Ways to Prevent Falling Out of Love
Then after reading the article, share with me your thoughts on the article as a whole, your opinion about the 18 steps, and what you personally do to keep the spark in your relationship, or what you intend to do to reignite the flame.
Maybe something shared can help new couples, honeymooners, or couples who are in the “falling out of love” phase. Maybe something shared can help you in your current relationship, or help you to be mindful in a future relationship. Maybe, just maybe, something shared can help those who have fallen out of love and don’t see any other options but to call it quits.
With all of the cheating, scandals, breakups, separations, and divorces—isn’t it a breath of fresh air to sit back and converse about how to work (positively and passionately) at keeping the love strong?
Love is work. It requires you to invest time and energy even when you don’t feel like you have much of either. We had no problem investing time and energy in the beginning of the relationship. We had no problem staying up late, losing sleep, making love several times per week, spending countless hours talking and getting to know each other, and putting in the effort to look good for the other person.
Why can’t we continue investing the time and energy now and years later? Let’s stop accepting and engaging in the “I/we fell out of love” phase.
You love your spouse/significant other, so speak it, claim it, and put in the work to make your love last!
~ Natasha L. Foreman
Copyright 2013. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved Unless Otherwise Noted.