Here’s another message that I reflect upon from the past. On April 5, 2016 I wrote this message as a reflection to a Facebook post written by a man who was reflecting over his marriage and the ups and downs that he experienced trying to juggle marriage, career, and family.
I shared the message as I share it today, with hopes that it reaches those single individuals who dream of one day marrying, those married couples who are struggling and contemplating divorce, those married couples who haven’t yet hit any bumps, and to those who are divorced and aren’t quite sure if getting married again is the thing for them.
Please read this message, reflect on it, share your thoughts, and then be sure to forward this message to others. With more and more people waiting to marry, others divorcing in staggering rates, or an increasing number of people opting out and choosing to bypass marriage altogether—it’s refreshing to look through the lens of someone who struggled, recovered, and reclaimed the connection he was losing because his priorities were misaligned. It can be a message that can help others before they cross that bridge, as well as those who have crossed it and are sliding down a collapsing hillside. It can also help those who have reached the bottom of the hillside and wonder if it’s worth taking the journey again.
I look forward to your positive comments.
Original post: https://natashaforeman.com/2016/04/05/a-post-on-marriage-family-career-and-community/
Hello! I’m a lil young and I really love when you advice! You’re almost like my mom! I was wondering, if I could seek some advice, which will help me become successful!
Hi Srijan. Thank you. Sure you can ask me for advice. Hopefully I can help.
I’m having really unproductive days. I just can’t seem to work hard! Time is passing but nothing is moving forward. I’m learning nothing. I’m trying but it’s just not enough. I don’t know what to do. I’m just lost. I want to work hard, for my dreams, But I just can’t. I’m too lazy. And not passionate.
You answered your question with the last sentence. “…not passionate”. What we don’t have a burning passion for we aren’t motivated to give our all. Many of us walk through life lacking passion for the jobs we’re in, the classes we take, the relationships that we have joined. You need to reassess what you’re currently pursuing and examine if it’s tied to a mission that you’re passionate about. If not, now is the time to pause and dig deep to find the things or things that make you want to stay up late and wake up early doing.
What thing or things would you do for little to no money but do it as though you were paid all of the money in the world? What are your strengths, skills, and talents? Those are the things to pursue. Oftentimes we pursue careers, activities and relationships that family or society says/recommends. We should be pursuing what our gut guides us to. You were born with the instinct, the internal drive—but you have to press the “let’s do this button” to activate the internal mechanisms that drive you to follow your gut.
I recommend that you get a piece of paper or poster board and you write down your strengths, skills, dreams, and goals. Ask family and friends what they believe your strengths and skills are. Put those next to the list you provided. Do you see commonalities or do your family and friends see something in you that you don’t see yet, or that you can’t possibly conceive? Are they off base or are you just not seeing your full potential?
Now looking at the skills and strengths that you originally listed and any additional ones that you want to add from your friend/family list, look at your dreams and goals list. What strengths and skills will you have to utilize to achieve those dreams and goals? What resources and people will you need to help you? List those resources and people on your paper. What additional knowledge will you need (formal education, workshop, seminar, or books) to better support your pursuit of those dreams and goals? Do the research and then write those things down on your paper.
Now consider, what things in your personal life are serving as blockers for what you want? If self-doubt, then you need to work at achieving small successes that will little by little lead to larger successes—that will give you the added confidence. If a blocker is past or current hurt or anger, you need to address what’s hurting or angering you and remind yourself that you can’t grab ahold of greatness and glory if your hands are full with sorrow. You need to free your hands and arms up so that you can receive all that you desire. You have to declutter to create space for what you truly desire. Examine all of the things, ways, and people that you’re holding on to mentally that are blocking you from being free to be who you were called to be.
And understand that our biggest distraction, critic, enemy is us—it is our internal voice that says “I am ______” and if the word or words that follow “I am” are negative in any way, then you will manifest that in your life. It becomes self-actualized. At the same time our biggest cheerleader in our life is us. We can say “I am____” and use positive, uplifting words and those words of power become our reality.
Stop saying “can’t” and “impossible”. You may not be able to fix a transmission on a car, but you can find someone who can. It’s not impossible; you just have to approach the situation from a different direction. Look at life and everything in it like a Rubix Cube. You have to keep turning the blocks, looking from different angles, and keep working at it before the cube is solved—with each color fully matched on its respective side. That’s just like life.
In your comment you said “I’m learning nothing”. What are you trying to learn? Where are you going to get this knowledge? Maybe you need to ask that source more questions, or maybe you need to go elsewhere to gain the knowledge you desire. Make life happen, don’t just let life happen to you.
I hope what I’ve shared will be deemed helpful. Spend the next few days working on the things that I suggested above. Then let me know if you have some clarity on your next steps. Don’t be afraid to change directions. We all steer off course. It’s realizing that you have, and getting back on course—or finding a better one—is what is important. There are a lot of people out there who don’t even know their “ship” is going in the wrong direction. They just keep sailing. By reaching out to me you have shown me that you are aware that you have steered off course.
You even said “I’m just lost”. Srijan celebrate this small success. You are one step closer to getting your ship where it needs to be! Follow back up with me in a few days and let me know how you’re doing on this “assignment” that I’ve given you.