Category: Mentoring

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Join me for the Atlanta Premiere of the film “PUSHOUT: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools”

“PUSHOUT: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools” | SCREENING TIME

When: Thursday, Nov. 14, 2019 | 5:30p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
Where: Clark Atlanta University

RSVP on EventBrite
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/save-a-girl-save-a-world-presents-pushout-the-criminalization-of-black-girls-in-schools-the-atlanta-tickets-76840731697

A panel discussion will follow the screening with Dr. Morris and local Atlanta Luminaries.

The electrifying documentary, “PUSHOUT: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools,” just received the Audience Award at the DTLA Film Festival. The doc is based on the groundbreaking book by Dr. Monique W. Morris of the same name, which confronts the criminalization and miseducation of black girls that leads to their alarming high school dropout rates and increased numbers of sentencing in the juvenile justice system. Denise Pines is Executive Producer.

To view the trailer of “PUSHOUT,” visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWPayvrHkEM

For additional information, visit www.pushoutfilm.com.

GET SOCIAL WITH PUSHOUT:
On the web: http://www.pushoutfilm.comwww.pushoutfilm.com

Follow PUSHOUT on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PUSHOUTFilm/

Follow PUSHOUT on Instagram: @PushoutFilm

Hashtags: #PUSHOUTFilm #StandWithBlackGirls

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Hello family!

I need your help. I need you to pause long enough to do three things:

  1. Read this post and the call to action below
  2. Contribute something, anything, to help fulfill this request and the dream of a brilliant teenager, and
  3. Share this with everyone that you know so that we can make this dream come true TODAY! He’s only a few hundred dollars away from reaching his goal. We CAN do this!

Are you ready?

Let’s make a dream come true…

Help Kylen Visit His Dream School

$330 of $700 goal

Raised by 4 people in 9 days
Kylen is a senior in the San Diego Unified School District who holds a 4.5 GPA. He is a trilingual scholar-athlete who has earned achievements in track and field and football. He speaks Spanish, Mandarin, and English and has worked diligently his entire academic career to be accepted into his top choice college. Kylen plans to pursue a career in the field of medicine to study neuroscience and recently learned he has been accepted into his dream school. He was invited to participate in the official student admit day and is now seeking support so he may participate. Funding will go toward the costs of airfare and incidental expenses for him to travel across the country to attend.
Please donate to help make Kylen’s dream a reality: gf.me/u/p9xwkx

Please share this link so others can support Kylen’s dream: gf.me/u/p9xwkx

I thank you in advance for your part in helping Kylen’s dream come true.

I know that he will shine and do amazing things in college. I know that through his service of others, he will be a brilliant leader, and a tremendous contributor to society at large. Kylen is excellence-driven. He is not just our future, he is our now!

Go make your dreams come true Kylen!!!

~Natasha L. Foreman

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I’m so excited to hear and see the announcement from Valeisha Butterfield Jones, promoting her new YouTube channel, “Valeisha’s Desk” that will begin streaming in January 2019.

Valeisha’s been delaying this idea for over two years, and with a lot of prayer and loving encouragement she has accepted the journey to share her story and daily walk to help others along their journey.

I was excited to share my two cents with her several weeks ago when she posed the question on her Instagram account of “should I do this?” My answer was a bold “yes” and then I explained my reasoning. I even admitted that my encouragement and loving push to her was also my self-talk to stop delaying my calling to do and be more. She read my comment and replied with thanks. I then crossed my fingers and toes, with hope that enough positive responses would cement in her mind the urgency of taking this big leap. Eventually there were tons of people commenting and supporting her idea, and I was giddy with anticipation.

Now some of you may be scratching your heads and wondering “who is this woman, and why does Natasha want me to watch a promo video about her?”

If you don’t know Valeisha Butterfield Jones, let me provide a very quick bio:

She has been an executive with Google since 2016, where she first served as Head of Black Community Engagement. This year she accepted a promotion to become the Global Head of Women and Black Community Engagement for Google.

For the past 10 years she has also served as the CEO of Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network (WEEN)—a nonprofit that uplifts and mentors women working in entertainment while striving to promote positive images of women in society.

Her prior professional journey led her through careers in politics and entertainment serving in various roles such as: working for the U.S. Department of Commerce (under the Obama Administration), EA to the president of HBO Sports, and working her way up from intern to Executive Director at Rush Communications (entertainment and fashion mogul, Russell Simmons, media firm). These are just a few of the stops along Valeisha’s professional journey.

On the personal front: Valeisha’s married to NBA star Dahntay Jones, and they have two super awesome sons. Many of us in this big ole’ world look forward to watching this family grow, shine, climb, and serve together. I know that I look forward to witnessing snippets of their life.

So without further ado, please check out Valeisha’s promo video and then subscribe to her channel. Thanking you in advance!

~Natasha

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I’m honored to share the video below of a brilliant man who is also my cousin.

Mr. Harold Wallace III is my paternal third cousin, who I knew when he was a baby and small child. We lost touch as he grew into young adulthood and manhood, but thankfully a few years ago we reconnected on Facebook.

Harold spoke at the TEDx that was held on March 27, 2018 at Pittsburgh State University (PSU) in Kansas. The theme was “Diversity in Our World“. The title of Harold’s speech is “The Everyday Struggle: Switching Codes For Survival“.

Harold shared a few nuggets of information that I already knew, like the cities where he grew up in California, that he was an intelligent child, and that he earned his MBA and is a staff member at PSU. But the bulk of what he shared about himself I did not know and apparently neither did his mother (for he apologized in the beginning for what he was now sharing publicly).

My eyes welled up with tears to hear him recall childhood memories of violence that he witnessed and experienced firsthand on the streets in L.A. County. I had no clue of the survival techniques he had to utilize to not become a negative statistic.

How in the world did he thrive in an environment created to destroy?

The only reasoning that I can come up with as to why Harold survived and thrived when so many didn’t and don’t is because:

1) God’s angels kept their hands on him and he did not resist their guidance and redirection, and

2) His family’s love and support, and

3) His love of education and learning kept his mind and heart focused on bigger and greater, and

4) Harold mastered the art and science of code-switching (which he explains in this TEDx Talk).

This recipe doesn’t always work for all people, but it clearly worked for Harold.

What Harold defines as “code-switching” is what I grew up mastering (and helped raise my sister to understand) as “mask switching“. I’ve been doing it for almost 40 years now. It’s become my way of life. Harold shared an example of another master code-switcher, former US President Barack Obama.

To hear brief examples of how Harold has had to code-switch and especially now as an adult, I teared up again. It takes a great deal of effort and energy, but he does it every single day in his attempt to bring and maintain “harmony” in every environment he enters. Please watch the video to learn more.

Something else that Harold shared that I never knew and never thought to ask him, was why he pursued a career at a university. Harold is the Assistant Director of Student Diversity Programs at PSU. To hear his reason and passion for what he does and why, I smiled brightly—because it’s similar to why I pursued and am now a college professor. You have to hear Harold tell his story in this TEDx.

I love Harold’s solution to our diversity needs and issues in the US, especially, as it relates to our current cultural climate. It’s brilliant. It’s simple, well…to a willing participant. Any person who wants to be valued and respected should try out Harold’s approach and see how it helps to change how you see and treat yourself and others.

Please watch this awesome video of Harold. I’m not just saying it’s awesome because it’s my cousin speaking. I’m saying it’s awesome because the message shared is powerful, moving, compelling, engaging, and encouraging. There is a takeaway from his message, there’s a call to action without the firm ask; there’s an indirect challenge to see if we all have it in us and are willing to L.I.E.

What’s L.I.E.? You have to watch the video to find out! After you watch it, please share this with others and feel free to comment below this post. Thank you.

~Natasha

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Please watch this video.

The message shared is bold, deep, poignant, and personal.

She will make you laugh and cry, want to shout and sing, and test out your lyrical skills. She will make you think about life, self, and those around you—near and far.

It’s a reminder to all of us.

You won’t be disappointed I promise you.

Listen to the words of Tramisha Poindexter and then pause to self-reflect. Make sure that you click the “like” button so that we can send this young woman a message loud and clear.

Thank you.

~Natasha

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So far we have discussed the overarching ways in which we attack each other, the phenomenon of baby mama-baby daddy syndrome, and today we will roll out the fourth part that must be discussed in greater detail than I can from this medium. But at least we can get the ball rolling, so-to-speak.

I said a lot over the past three days. Hopefully none of my words injured anyone. Hopefully the tough love was felt as more love than tough. It’s difficult to peel back the layer on self, as it’s much easier to peel back the layer on someone else. When you’re hurt and angry it’s easier to point out the flaws in the other person, to point out what they did and said wrong—but it’s extremely difficult to self-reflect and “check” ourselves.

I started these conversations because it’s important that we realize that this toxic environment has been growing out-of-control for more than 60 years. The seeds were planted during slavery in the US, it grew roots after emancipation, it sprouted during the 1920s and by the 1950s we saw more and more trees forming. By the 1970s we had woods lining our nation. Now we’re in the 2000s and we have full blown forests.

The reason we must have a conversation about each other, amongst each other, is because we represent each other. No matter who we engage and interact with, we still represent the other half of this dynamic. We share cultural and social truths that are unique to our people.

The only way for others who are non-Black to understand us in whole or in part is through dialogue with and observation of us. What we say to each other, how we treat each other, is how non-Blacks learn to speak to and treat us. It’s human nature yet we’re offended when we experience it.

We have a hyper-sensitivity because of the hundreds of years of past and present abuse that we have suffered at the hands of civilian, corporate, and government oppressors.

There’s a saying that “you save your worst behavior for the one closest to you” and that is not merely the one that you are in a familial, dating or marital relationship with, but one that you share the same “roots” with. Black people have been taught, trained, molded, and brainwashed to hate ourselves and to hate other Black people.

We have been brainwashed to believe that certain skin tones, hair textures, lip sizes, body frames, eye colors, and hair lengths are better or worse than others.

The slave masters tactic of pitting light-skinned versus dark-skinned is still present today.

We’re still buying into those twisted beliefs.

The tactic of turning the Black man and woman against each other, using sex (often rape), breaking up the family (selling one of them), and other methods, is still present today.

But when will we individually and collectively say, “no more” and mean it? When will we stop subscribing to past lies masqueraded as truths? When will we stop buying into the stereotypes that were created as propaganda mechanisms to divide? When will we stop perpetuating the lies that even our elders told because they didn’t know what they didn’t know—but we now know the truth.

When will being sick and tired of being sick and tired turn into a radical change of healing, acceptance, growth, and love?

To Black Men and Women I Say…

Ladies and gentlemen, brothas and sistas, we need to cut each other some major slack. We need to heal and we need to find a place of solitude within each other to help with that healing. Or we will continue to self-destruct and the only people that will be left to blame is you and me.

Let’s take ownership for the roles that we have individually and collectively played in the slow destruction of our people, families, and relationships.

Yes, others manipulated many things.

Yes, others introduced elements of mass destruction (drugs and guns) but we made and make the decision to use these things against ourselves and against each other.

Just like on the plantation, our minds are still enslaved.

Today we pimp each other, we serve death by drugs, we take the liberty of ending each others lives through the pulling of the trigger, stabbing of a knife, stomping of a foot, punching of a fist.

We have some harsh realities that we must take ownership for…

Today, Black women are raped by Black men more than by any other ethnic group.

The vast majority of Black drug addicts get their poison from Black drug dealers.

There are more Black deaths by Black hands (and by weapons used by Black hands), than by anyone else. Before the 1950s this was not the case.

We can guesstimate the number of lives lost to the periods of slavery (including the Middle Passage) and if you compared those numbers to the death toll caused by our own efforts from the 1970s to 2018 alone (we could go back farther but we don’t need to) those numbers would be staggering.

It doesn’t negate or make light of the death toll of Black people caused by non-Blacks and law enforcement.

What I’m saying is, why are we not mortified by the lives taken by our own people?

We have gang members and drug dealers wiping out our people. We live next door to them and do and say nothing.

We must police ourselves.

We must protect our families and neighborhoods. Sometimes that means protecting them from our own family.

Mothers need to stop protecting their deviant and criminal child. If your child harmed someone they must face the punishment of their offense. Mothers should be escorting their children to the principal’s office, to the police station, etc. When you shield them you only enable the mania that is brewing and waiting to be unleashed.

Mothers, if dad isn’t around to be the rock of your family then you need to turn to the village to step into that gap. And then you must rise up with the strength and courage that God gave you and gives you, and you must declare and enforce the rules of your home. If by chance dad is available to help lead your children, don’t be a fool–don’t be that ignorant baby mama–let that man in and let him help you raise your children right.

Reclaim your family. Don’t let your child be the menace we all fear and grow to resent and hate.

We must end this ignorant belief that “I ain’t no snitch” and “snitches get stitches“.

So it’s okay for Black people to terrorize and kill us, but when someone else takes our lives then we want to protest and demand change.

Law enforcement can barely solve crimes in our communities because we refuse to cooperate with them, yet we’re quick to dial 9-1-1.

Why are we not picketing and protesting outside of the homes and buildings of drug dealers and gang members?

Honestly, we act like we have Stockholm Syndrome.

Sexism and Misogyny in Our Community

We say and do nothing about the Black women and girls who are kidnapped, raped, abused, pimped and trafficked.

Are they not valuable enough to fight for and defend?

We read and see news footage of Black male celebrities who victimize Black girls and women, and we side with the celebrity. We rationalize his actions because we’re a fan of what he does in his professional life.

Our lack of outrage is why there’s no outrage from non-Blacks. Now let’s be clear, the moment the victim is white, the outrage from non-Blacks will be never-ending. They see the value in their women and girls, even if not fully (but you can’t victimize them).

Are Black women and girls not valuable? Is that why we are not valued? We already know that society values females less than males, but we value Black females even less.

Why do we celebrate calling and being called “bitches” and “hoes”?

Men should cringe and stop any man, woman, or child who uses those words to describe a female. Women and girls should immediately stop, correct, and redirect any person who feels entitled to refer to them using those words. It’s not acceptable, by anyone—not even our friends and family.

None of my friends or family members can say “bitch” or “ho” in relation or reference to me. Not even in anger.

We need to stop this mentality of “well I will just make lemonade out of it” by taking words meant to harm and then trying to flip them to make them fit and feel right to us. That’s distorting the lemon-lemonade premise and guess what? This ain’t lemonade. It’s just lemon with a splash of water.

We do it with “nigger”. Because we say “nigga” (a switch of two letters) we have convinced ourselves that this version is better and more acceptable, but only when said by another Black person.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Whatever coping mechanism that we want to use to take away the power of that word.

But it can’t be applied with “bitch” and “ho”.

Those are gender-specific terms that we have flipped to also apply and reference to men (which enrages men), to balance, and take the weight out of their meanings and inferences.

But women can’t then say, “we can use these words but men can’t use them“.

So that same coping skill switcheroo does not and will not ever apply. We live in a sexist world where women and girls are always only seen as receivers not doers.

If men don’t want to be called bitches and hoes then they need to stop using those words, and they need to speak up and speak out about other people using those words.

We must protect ourselves and each other, and that means that sometimes that means protecting us from us.

What Are We Going to do to Resolve This Problem?

How will we leverage these tools of destruction to be lessons of redemption? Yes, we are our brother’s and sister’s keeper.

We have proven right those who enslaved our ancestors that we can be easily manipulated and controlled, we can be taught to devalue ourselves and each other, we can be extinguished as a race, we will never be united, and we are not as wise and intelligent as we profess—for if we were then we would see clearly that the shackles aren’t actually locked…

Free yourselves. Free others. Lift yourself up. Lift up others. Love yourselves. Love each other. Take off those shackles!

Stop Limiting Love to Black Love. Let People Love Who They Want!

This one may cause some anger to spew at me, but please listen with your heart.

The vast majority of Black people, especially African Americans, are affiliated with a religion that is based on and teaches love, inclusion, forgiveness, repentance, and atonement. If you are Christian, you have been raised to believe that Jesus said love everyone as you would love yourself. Jesus did not discriminate or hate.

So why are we so bitter when we see a Black man with any other woman except a Black one?

Why are Black men bitter when they see a Black woman with a man who isn’t also Black?

It’s especially true if the other person is white. Why?

The hurt and anger caused by our enslavement and by the hundreds of years of being told “you ain’t nothing”, surfaces to the top. The more than 100 years after being emancipated to earn the right to vote as a citizen, to have the right to eat and drink next to the same people whose families not-far-removed enslaved our people—those memories and that pain surfaces to the top. Knowing the history of Black men being lynched for looking at white women, speaking to white women, touching a white woman, and having sex with a white woman—even 50 years ago—those feelings surface and sting. Knowing that white slave masters raped and oftentimes impregnated Black female slaves is something that churns in the stomachs of our men.

But…

Knowing all of this does not change the fact that God, no matter what name you call Him, commanded us to love. He didn’t say “only love people of your race” or “only love people of your religion“. No, He said that we’re to love.

That Black man who is dating or married to that non-Black woman is not less of a man or less Black because of who he loves. The same is true of the Black woman. I’m so tired of hearing people spew hate, sounding like the racists that enslaved you, and making absolutely no sense.

Stop the rhetoric of “watering down our race“. Most of you don’t even know where your ancestors came from before being shipped to the US.  Most of you haven’t even taken an ethnic DNA test to see your racial makeup. All of this talk about “watering down” will have many of you shell shocked when you realize how not “pure” you are.

Some of you are walking around with so many races in your DNA that you look more like a pot of gumbo.

If Blackness is merely skin tone, then we’re all in trouble. Some of us are the same skin complexion of Latinos, Asians, and other olive and brown-skinned people. You’re ignorantly obsessing over the color of someone’s skin. You’re anti-white, yet your DNA most likely ties you to white ancestors. Some of you have issues with Mexicans and Latinos, yet some of you probably have their blood running through your veins. You have issues with Asians and don’t even know why—-but would be shocked to find even a small percentage of Asian DNA in you.

You sound just like your slave masters. You sound just like those hate mongers of the Jim Crow era. You sound just like the racists of the 1960s. You’re filled with so much hate that it is killing you and destroying our people. It’s not our “race-mixing” that is destroying us, it’s your ignorance that divides, turns away—and ultimately destroys us.

It’s all just ignorance and it goes against everything you’re taught in religion.

Love sees no color, religion, gender, race, or nationality. Love has no limits.

Love freely. Love whomever you want. Stop judging people for who they love.

I can tell you one thing, if I’m attracted to someone I’m going to get to know them—I don’t care about the color of their skin or the country where they originated. I’m going to love who loves me.

To All Humans I Say…

Let’s all be mindful of the things that we do and say, the biases we possess, the beliefs that we hold to be indisputable truths, and the stereotypes and labels that we perpetuate—and the impact that all of our words and actions have on others.

We can divide or unite. It is our choice, individually and collectively.

I can say that it has never been a time that one group of people stood strong without others supporting them in some way. Even in religious texts you can read stories of people from other tribes, religions or ethnic groups being moved and inspired to lend a hand, to provide refuge or resources for another groups freedom, safety, etc. Free yourselves. Free others. Lift yourself up. Lift up others. Love yourselves. Love each other. Take off those shackles!

What do you want to talk about next? Comment below.

Love,

~Natasha

Copyright 2018. Natasha Foreman Bryant/Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

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A few moments ago I was reviewing my list of students who I had sent “life vests” and “life rafts” to in an effort to save them from themselves.

Let me explain.

Some of my students take on a weighted course load and find it more difficult than they expected to juggle school, work, family, and a social life. This is especially the case if they take a hybrid or online course, and then when you add that the course is with me, the stakes really get high.

Now don’t cringe.

I’m not a mean or difficult instructor. There’s balance with me. I’m firm and assertive yet I’m always open for negotiation. I pour myself into my classes because it is my mission to give my students enough information that becomes applied knowledge, that helps them in school, work, and in life. For me, it’s more than the textbooks that they read. I don’t want them memorizing and regurgitating information. I want to see and hear how they applied what was taught to them. I want to see their growth and help support their academic and professional needs. I want to provide them with as many tools and resources as I can; so yes, I’m extremely engaged in my classes. So no, the course work is not easy. There are no easy-A’s in my class. You will earn whatever grade that you receive.

As I tell my students:

“Your grade is your paycheck and your GPA is your credit score“.

As an instructor, I’m also serious about meeting deadlines but I’m flexible in providing extensions to those who get clobbered or blindsided by life. The reality is, we all get clobbered and blindsided from time-to-time.

Someone who hasn’t needs to be studied closely.

How can I make mistakes and forget deadlines, yet punish my team for doing the same? Is that not hypocritical? The “do as I say not as I do” rule that our parents embedded in our minds is why we have as many problems in this world. We all simply wait until we gain the power to enforce that same rule on others. It’s ridiculous.

As a college instructor I run my classrooms much like a business. I inform my students that for the length of the term or semester, they are to conduct themselves as though this is a corporation, they are managers, and I am their senior manager. But as a servant leader, I am not here to bark orders and reign supreme over them; I’m also not here to hold their hands and coddle them. They are not babies or small children.

I am here to serve them, empower them, and help to elevate them to the next level.

I encourage them to respectfully challenge the textbooks and readings, and yes, even me. Their minds will only sharpen with critical thinking and by testing and applying tools and skills that they have acquired. I also make sure to frequently ask for feedback and evaluations on how much they are learning and applying from my classes, as well as how well they believe that I am managing and leading them. I frequently ask them to tell me how I can best support their learning and growth needs.

I try to intervene with students who risk falling below a “C”. I don’t want my students to fail my class. Not because of managerial pressures from the higher-ups. Not because of any of the reasons and excuses that most would assume. I don’t want my students to fail because it means that somehow I failed them. It is my responsibility as their manager-leader to help guide them. Just as I would for an employee that I don’t want to see fired or to watch go through the stages of “burn-out”. If I see “red flags” early enough I can step in and provide guidance as to how my students can improve or how they can withdraw from the class (by deadlines) and take it at a later date when life isn’t clobbering them so hard. Usually one of these two interventions work.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

There are some students who choose the chartered path that they know will lead to failure, and no matter how much I attempt to help them help themselves, they are content to splash around in that ocean while watching the life vest and raft float away.

So today as I reviewed my list of students who continue to drown in this academic ocean, refusing to use either or both the vest and the raft that I threw to them weeks ago, I ran across an old email from a student who is failing one of my classes. Weeks ago this person said that they wanted to do well in my class and that they would improve—they  just needed a strategy to do so. I provided the student with the strategy and the deadline extensions that they needed to meet in order to bring their grade up to a “C” or better.

I’m always aiming for better but I won’t force greatness on anyone who would rather be average or below. Everyone should be free to choose.

Weeks later this student still has not completed the past due work and sadly they haven’t completed any current work, yet they continue to log into the course room–most likely so that their attendance is tracked so they don’t lose financial aid and other benefits. Yes, I have students who are motivated enough to log into class to not lose their financial aid, but they aren’t motivated enough to do the work, to pass the class, to keep their financial aid. It’s a baffling logic that they operate by in their parallel universe.

Okay I should stop with my sarcasm.

There is a portion of my email message that I typed to this student that I truly believe needs to be shared with others, with you. Someone out there needs to read these few lines below, because maybe it will be the added layer that helps to snatch them out of their “funk”, their “brain fog”, their whatever is holding them back and keeping them down.

Or maybe it won’t. But I’m sharing anyway.

…your dreams and goals in life are only achieved through the efforts you make. No one will give you anything of worth simply because you show up. You must put in the work and earn the things that you desire. Those that think that greatness will just magically come to them will always find themselves cast to the side, because greatness requires boldness—it requires commitment and dedication despite and because of the odds. 

You must choose if whether you want to be good, great, average, mediocre, exceptional, or just “blah”. Your actions and efforts will align and reflect accordingly. I believe that you have the potential to be at any level that you set your eyes, mind, and heart to achieve. 

If you aim low then you will always fall below that line. If you aim high and run your well-paced race, you may fall short of the desired point but you landed much higher than if you had aimed low to begin with.

Where are you aiming?

What efforts are you making to get there?

No one can do this for you, only you can!

I hope that my student gets what I was trying to convey in my email. I hope that it helps to snatch them out of their pit and motivates them to run, walk, crawl or even roll to the victory line. They may not cross in first place, but they will cross. Every race we start we’re expected to finish.

Love,

Natasha

Copyright 2018. Natasha Foreman Bryant/Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

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After watching this brief clip that someone posted on Facebook that shows a recording of an episode where Iyanla Vanzandt has Black men and women openly expressing their hurts, anger, and disappointments, I share in this multi-part reflection and plea that I’ve started below.

I know that it can apply to any ethnicity of people (for internally we all have unique and sometimes even similar struggles), but I can only speak for and directly to the group I share the most commonalities with—Black people—but I encourage all to read this, to get a better understanding of the unique struggles that Black people and specifically African Americans face daily in the US—see the commonalities within your own ethnic group—and consider the ways that even you may have unknowingly perpetuated one or more of the stereotypes that continue to divide one group of people (in this case, African Americans) and reinforce the stigmas that keep nations of people divided:

To Black Women I Say…

Ladies listen to your men. Truly listen. Don’t ignore their complaints. They are crying out and they need us.

Stop allowing the past and what society has forced us to do to survive to be the barrier that prevents us from having a genuine and loving connection with our men.

To Black Men I Say…

Menfolk, you need to come together and give each other the “pass” and approval to be vulnerable, to open up and share your hurt and anger in a way that allows women to fully understand in a healthy way, without us feeling the need to mother you or chastise you as being “weak”. Those are the two extremes that we keep repeating and reinforcing, that further attacks and emasculates you.

To Black Women I Say…

Ladies we can’t say we want a gentleman who possesses qualities of nurturing, tenderness, and compassion—but then call a man a punk when he shows sadness, fear, depression, etc.

He is human just like you.

He has feelings just like you.

He has insecurities just like you.

Just like you, he faces rejection and pressures from the world simply because of the color of his skin.

He wants to be heard and understood, appreciated and celebrated, forgiven and shown compassion—just like you.

You should be more concerned about the man who does not cry than the one who does. The former is boiling and dying from within. The latter is releasing the toxins that could do harm to him, to you, and to others.

I’m guilty of not being empathetic and sympathetic enough to realize that I placed men, especially Black men, on a pedestal of Super Hero status—with expectations that they are to be stronger, braver, and more resilient because they are men—-that they should just “suck it up and get past it” all while forgetting that even super heroes have weaknesses, flaws, areas of vulnerability that leaves them exposed and easy to harm.

I forgot the very important lessons that my Black father taught me about Black men, and how to love, appreciate and support them.

I forgot that just like the burden of being labeled “Wonder Woman” or “Super Woman” is draining on me, the labels placed on men also drain them.

All super heroes need a break— refuge.

Batman went to the bat cave, switched out his gear, took the secret door back to his “normal” life as Bruce Wayne. When Wonder Woman isn’t out there saving the world with her lasso and shields, she’s just a regular person—Diana Prince.

Super heroes can’t always be “on”. They need a break too! And they also need healthy companionship. Look at the super heroes and their love interests. There’s a sense of balance.

As Black people we have shared experiences of slavery (past and present), of injustice, cruelty, and racism. We have shared pain just as we have shared hope.

Just like we need a safe place to rest our head, men do too! They need someone they can let down their guards with and be vulnerable to, and trust that they won’t be attacked when they take off their super hero costume, or simply—just when they turn their backs or close their eyes to rest.

When they turn to us we need to be there for them. Not to mother them—society already says that they are boys and not men. But instead to simply provide refuge from the outside world. A safe place of peace, tucked away from a world of conflict and chaos.

Home is not merely a physical place. It should be what we have in and with each other.

To Black Men I Say…

Men, you need to stop negatively comparing Black women to other women. Stop telling Black women how inferior we are to other women. Stop telling us how ugly we are, inside and out.

Stop reducing us to our bodies as merely sexual props for your pleasure, to be easily discarded—as it reinforces the trauma inflicted on our women when slave masters raped and discarded us.

Please don’t keep opening that wound and torturing us.

It’s one thing to honor and celebrate us, it’s another thing to exploit and pimp us out—to basically say that we’re only as good as our booty is big.

Stop perpetuating the labels and stereotypes of Black women.

These labels and stereotypes are not merely reinforced by the few Black women who proudly or ignorantly display these traits and characteristics.

They are co-signed by your affirmations of their truth.

Others turn to the Black man and ask, “is this true about Black women?” and when you say “yes” it stamps all Black women with a seal.

What you say about Black women is a clear affirmation of what you think and how you see your mother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, cousins, and yes even your daughters.

Are the words that you use to describe Black women the same that you would want someone else to describe the females of your family?

Is that what you want your daughter to hear and respond to?

Are the ways that you treat Black women the ways that you would want your daughter, mother, sister, and grandmother to be treated?

The negative labels devalue and destroy us.

We are not ALL one way or another. Just like Black men are not.

———————❤️——————-

Ladies and gentlemen, please let this sink in and marinate. We have to engage in dialogue and take ownership for our roles and parts in this disconnect.

I cannot possibly dive as deep as I would like because I’m limited by this medium that I’ve selected. So we will go as deep as possible to allow for discussion that can branch off into your own independent discussions.

The first step towards healing is to admit there is a problem.

Tomorrow we will continue with part two of this discussion. I hope that you will join me and share your thoughts and suggestions.

~Natasha

Copyright 2018. Natasha Foreman Bryant/Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
All footage in the video is owned and protected by Iyanla Vanzandt and the Oprah Winfrey Network. I do not claim any rights to the content.
The image art used with this post is not my creation. It was found at https://twitter.com/blaclovematters

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The time is NOW! Don’t wait. Don’t procrastinate. You’re only stealing from yourself when you do. Seriously.

Yes, I’m talking about the new book Believe Bigger: Discover Your Path to Your Life Purpose

Invest in this book, this guide, this map to explore sides and crevices of YOU that you have overlooked, neglected, abused, misused, underutilized—yet you want to RECLAIM, RESTORE, RENEW, REINVENT, RECHARGE, REACTIVATE and REALIGN.

Get your copy of #BelieveBigger by my dear friend Marshawn Evans Daniels if you want to do more, see more, experience more, give more, receive more, and be more.

Abundance of anything positive can ONLY come from faith, discipline, and action.

You have to DO. You have to MOVE. You have to GET UP and GET OUT OF YOUR WAY, THE WAY, GOD’S WAY.

It starts by thinking abundantly, feeling it, visualizing it, speaking it, and believing it LONG BEFORE you see the first buds sprout, long before the first harvest becomes ready.

To #BelieveBigger you have to have FAITH in what you hope for, in that which has yet to arrive—but you have already staked your claim as YOURS!

Health, financial wealth, intelligence, a fulfilling and rewarding career, work-life balance, to travel more, marriage, or to start a family of your own—whatever it is—YOU MUST CLAIM IT AS SO—CLAIM IT AS YOURS, and then do your part to make the puzzle pieces come together.

God has already shown you what is possible. He’s already said it can be yours. But do YOU believe in His vision for you? Or will you settle on the small—lower your expectations below what He wants to gift you? Will you let fear tell you it’s not possible or will you let faith tell you “Oh yes it is!”

Every successful entrepreneur knows that their forward-thinking vision must be stated, shared, and reinforced constantly and consistently in order for that vision to be fully comprehended and embraced; and the more that the vision is shared and embraced the more energy and passion is poured into making sure that vision becomes a reality. That’s the difference from merely being a dreamer and a doer. It’s seeing where you want to go and putting together the resources, and doing the job to achieve what you desire.

In organizations we focus on two primary drivers (besides our triple bottom line) which are Mission and Vision. A mission is your purpose—why you’re in business, why you do what you do. Your vision states where you want to go, what you want to be, what type of impact that you want to have as an organization.

Those same principles need to be taught and embedded in the mindset of individuals, not just business leaders. It’s not necessarily tied to your profession or you finding the cure for cancer (side note: but if you do please make sure that you keep those costs affordable for all).

Vision-tied-to-Purpose-aka-Mission….

What is your purpose in life? What is your purpose in your neighborhood or community? What is your purpose in your house of worship? What is your purpose as a member of your family? Why do you get up out of bed every day? Why do you keep living? Why do you want to keep living? Purpose is so bold and deep, so scary, so what if you swap the word and said “mission”, does it help? Probably not. Because purpose, mission, and vision, no matter what you want to call them they are all bold and dynamic, and anything worth achieving is a scary proposition. But if it doesn’t scare you a little or a lot then it’s not big enough, it’s not bold enough. You need to BELIEVE BIGGER!

A lot of people are suffering in their career and in their home life because they lack vision, and their hope is dwindling and dying a slow and painful death. They are focused on their present, their lack of, rather than on where they could be in the near or distant future. When you’re blinded by what you don’t have you don’t see the opportunities opening up around you and ahead of you. You walk right by them or you stop short of achieving them. You need to grab a defibrillator, also known as an AED, and you need to resuscitate your hope and vision.

Stop relying upon New Year’s Resolutions and start with (and be fueled by) vision and action plans. Resolutions are what we aspire to resolve to one day do, but we have become so casual and relaxed with them that we rarely achieve a quarter of the things on the list, and most of the things we aspired to achieve we fell short by January 15th of the year and never tried again.

An action plan fueled by a vision is our road map to GET IT DONE!

Some of you have fulfilled one mission in life and now you’re wondering, “what next?” well maybe, just maybe, Marshawn’s book can help you answer that question.

If you’re ready for that next level, of whatever it is and wherever it may be, then you need to get your copy of Believe Bigger at BelieveBigger.com or at any retailer that sells books, so that you can get moving and start claiming what’s waiting out there for you!

~Natasha

Copyright 2018. Natasha Foreman Bryant/Natasha L. Foreman.
All images within this post have a copyright protection enforced by Marshawn Evans Daniels.

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While reading the book “Overcoming Hurts & Anger: Finding Freedom From Negative Emotions” by Dwight Carlson, MD, I ran across the following data that made my jaw drop

Many of us are walking around as ticking time bombs just waiting for someone to trigger our explosion.

If you were raised in a conservative, highly religious household, you’re probably suppressing a lot of anger as many conservative individuals believe that outward display of anger is not acceptable. This is true of the Christian faith where “turning the other cheek” is more of a rule than slight suggestion.

As Dr. Carlson pointed out, the numerous studies conducted showing incarcerated murderers who never had run-ins with the law before, yet somehow they “snapped”, killed someone (usually a family member), and ended up in prison.

We keep throwing around the phrase “mental health issues” as they relate to shooting incidents. But let’s really look at it.

Anger is mental and anger impacts our health. Our inability to properly manage our anger impacts our mental and physical health. Look at the laundry list of medical issues associated with anger:

Do you see one or more of your issues on this list?

I do. I found at least 10 issues on this list that I never had a “cause” for. In 2015 alone I visited more than 6 doctors because of pain that shot down my lower back through my hips, all the way to my feet. It felt like fire it was so intense. I would cry out in pain. A rheumatologist suggested that I just take anti-inflammatory pills for the rest of my life, knowing the detrimental impact it would have on my liver and kidneys. I opted against it.

Doctors could never answer why these various issues were happening to me. Now I know. It’s my anger boiling outward and attacking my body and brain. It would explain why when I opted to steer away from western medicine and turned towards eastern medicine and the use of acupuncture, I started noticing a difference. When I coupled it with counseling sessions and a change in diet, I felt totally different. I was redirecting and managing the negative energy.

I’m currently under a great deal of stress and have been experiencing dermatological conditions to my face and hands, and hives on my face. With the stress is depression. Stress is the code word for “anger”. It sounds better and safer to say “I’m stressed” than to say “I’m angry” or “I’m pissed the heck off”.

How often do you hear people saying “I’m stressed”? When was the last time you said it?

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Dr. Carlson made a valid point that the vast majority of times our anger issues are overlooked because doctors are treating the overtly obvious symptoms (what you initially came in complaining about) but not looking for the underlying and much more menacing cause—anger.

I was shocked when I saw cancer on the list.

Oftentimes we dissect and analyze how a person eats or any environmental factors (air quality, chemicals, pollutants, etc) that could have caused the cancer. What if the foundation is suppressed anger that is triggered by diet and/or environment? Or vice versa.

The two known cancers are of the large colon and of the breasts. Think about it. The largest percentage of patients with these types of cancer are women, the reigning champions of suppressed anger. We pack it down and try to pretend it’s not there, as it slow-boils us from within.

Think about it.

Now let’s look at our anger unleashed on others….

The young man in Florida who just shot up the high school. His mother recently passed away and his girlfriend broke up with him. If his family also struggled financially then he too would feel that struggle.

Suppressed anger that explodes becomes displaced anger if there’s not one particular target of your anger. But it’s clear where his mind was and wasn’t because he surrendered without further incident. He had no desire to go down fighting in a blaze of glory. He was remorseful after, placed on suicide watch. That’s what happens when you come down off of the anger high.

Dr. Carlson cited that:

“The suppressor” of anger does one or more of the following: 1) he consciously inhibits his anger; 2) he denies that he is feeling angry in situations in which most people would feel anger; 3) he experiences guilt after expressing anger.

Source: Harris. S. Goldstein, et al

Sound familiar?

The DC Sniper’s rampage was all over his attempt to cover up his retaliation against his ex. He wanted to kill her and cover it up by killing others. His anger towards her was so toxic that he couldn’t just focus his rage on her, he rationalized the murders and injuries of numerous other people in hope of fleeing and not getting caught.

Imagine if he had simply found a positive way to release his anger towards his ex, then no one would be deceased and he and his nephew (I believe that was the relationship) would have never taken part in such a heinous crime. They would be living their lives like the rest of us.

The Menendez brothers brutally murdered their parents in what they deemed self-defense. After years of sexual, physical, psychological, verbal, and financial abuse, a moment triggers paranoia that a veiled threat was a clear indication that their parents would keep their word to kill both brothers—to protect the family legacy, reputation and empire. So whether or not you believe the brothers, they purchased shotguns and killed their parents out of fear and rage. Now their parents are deceased, the brothers have been incarcerated in separate prisons, the money is gone, and nothing has been resolved. Those issues still plague and haunt the brothers. They are still being devoured from within. Because they live with the grief of knowing that they killed their parents.

Anger is a thief and a killer.

We will eventually discover the anger issues that triggered the Las Vegas shooter. His suppressed anger boiled over and he made the decision that he would not only take out innocent people but take his own life to spare the torment of facing man’s judgment. As though God’s judgment will be lighter. Yes, that was slight sarcasm.

Look closely at the majority of police-involved shootings. The anxiety and anger that boils up because a person or suspect refuses to comply or doesn’t comply as the officer demands, and the situation quickly escalates. Finger on trigger. Sudden movement. Trigger pulled.

Trayvon Martin was killed because a man got angry at how a boy addressed him and didn’t respect him as the authority figure he perceived himself to be as a neighborhood security patrolman. This man felt that he deserved as much respect and fear as law enforcement officers. He had a gun and he was going to prove a point once and for all. That gun would make the boy respect and fear him. Things quickly escalated and this man shot and killed a teenage boy whose only mistake was being in the wrong place at the wrong time on the receiving end of an angry, insecure, inadequate shell of a man. Some people quickly pointed the finger of blame towards Trayvon, dug up as much dirt as they could to prove that he caused his own murder. Trayvon did not unholster that gun and pull that trigger. His killer did. Then for several years after we have witnessed this man roam freely breaking laws, causing more harm, auctioning the murder weapon, and never getting help for his anger issues.

Can you see the common thread being sewn?

We’re not just talking about mental illness in the light of the stereotypical crazy person who walks around speaking in garbled tongue, professing to see images and hear voices. That is the extreme case. We’re talking about basic anger left unharnessed and not tended to.

Improper expression of anger over an extended period of time can create mental illness. Research shows that anger can lead to depression and sleep disorders. We read and hear testimony of perpetrators who were severely depressed and suffering from sleep deprivation.

What happens to your mind and body when you don’t get enough sleep?

Now tack on top of that depression and the boiling anger that is waiting to be unleashed on something, someone—anyone.

Just because I haven’t listed examples of women and girls as perpetrators doesn’t mean we don’t have a huge anger issue targeting females. That would be a lie. Do an online search of girls fighting. You will see hundreds upon hundreds of videos and images of little girls as young as age six fighting. Then the brutality increases the older the females involved. There’s footage of bloody fights involving teenage girls and adult women, fighting in the streets, front yard lawns, in parking lots, and at malls and shopping centers. It appears that the public actually prefers watching females fight more than males. You even have videos of women, now-celebrities, like Cardi B, fighting with other young women over who knows what. With society forcing girls to be tougher, girls are rising to the occasion at alarming rates trying to prove that they can hang with the boys and can be crowned the “baddest bitch” so that other females don’t challenge them, and if they do, they might receive a beat down or a chance to snatch that crown.

In many ways I would say that females are more dangerous than males, because that anger is suppressed in a way that mixes an explosive concoction that is difficult to contain once released. We try to channel boys energy through the playing of sports. How do we channel and redirect that same energy for girls?

We’re seeing a rise of females joining male-dominated gangs, and female-led gangs. There’s a rise in the female juvenile detention rates as well as the number of women in prison. Watch the television shows “Scared Straight” and “Beyond Scared Straight”, it’s not just boys in these programs. Girls are facing a lot of issues and those unchecked emotions grow into boiling hot anger, and without proper guidance on how to release this anger, girls are unleashing it with a vengeance.

When we see mothers in jail and prison the first thought is, “where is her child? and who is taking care of him/her?” Well if mom is locked up and dad isn’t in the picture or is also locked up, that leaves family or a child welfare agency. During the most vulnerable and valuable period of a child’s life, they are missing out on the love, nurturing, protection and guidance of their mother and father. Damage done. If that damage grows with the child and causes anger to raise its ugly head, the unhealthy consequences can be detrimental, and create a chain reaction that ultimately leads the child down the same path as their parents.

A negative cycle created.

Bullying is on the rise. We have the traditional face-to-face bullying and now cyber bullying. It’s being experienced by children, teens, and adults of all races, genders, sexual orientations, religions, and socioeconomic statuses.

Everyone is feeling picked on so we’re picking on other people for a moment of twisted euphoria that is quickly replaced by even more rage—because the bullying doesn’t stop the things that are happening to the bully. He or she is still experiencing their own trauma and the temporary thrill they can from bullying someone else is always short-lived which frustrates them, so they increase the frequency and intensity of their antics in an attempt to flood out the feelings and experiences tormenting them.

The tormented becomes the tormentor, and a cycle is created.

The outcome of our 2016 election proved a point—Americans are pissed off. We are angry. We are depressed. We feel taken advantage of. We feel victimized. We want and need someone to blame for all of our financial, mental, and physical problems.

The election cycle played to these concerns and daily plucked at them like guitar strings, until a song was formed that brought forth the unlikely pairing of groups of people to elect the candidate most swore didn’t stand a chance. But people weren’t paying attention to his message and how it would resonate with people suffering. Now the masses are beginning to see but how do you reach those victims who are disillusioned and distracted by the venomous propaganda that has brainwashed their already toxic and tormented minds?

America has anger issues and if we don’t manage them properly we will destroy this great country and others. We have become our own cancer and we are slowly eating away at progress, destroying families, disrespecting the principles expressed and implied by the founding fathers through the Constitution and Bill of Rights, and our potential destruction of amendments passed down over the years that support the earlier documents protecting all men and women who step foot on this land as immigrants and refugees—just like the Pilgrims and the millions of people who arrived to this land as foreigners.

Sadly we are also making a mockery of the Christian Savior millions of Americans claim their ultimate allegiance to—Jesus Christ. For he was and is the example of how we are to care for ourselves and treat others. He provided the examples for how to deal with anger, fear, and depression—and how to heal from sin, disease, and death.

I strongly recommend that you read Dr. Carlson’s book. I also recommend that you create a checklist to identify what things and people anger you, and why. Then seek help with addressing your anger, whether it’s outwardly explosive or tucked in and suppressed, laying dormant until triggered to release a fury no one has ever seen.

Your inability to positively channel your negative energy, called anger, is causing you mental and physical health issues—and it’s negatively impacting the lives of those around you: your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, classmates, church members, and complete strangers.

If you have children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren, or cousins, it’s imperative that you positively intervene to get them the help that they need to learn how to properly manage their anger. We need to break these chains of bondage. We need to break this anger cycle that is passed on generationally.

I want to live a long and healthy life surrounded by loved ones. I’m taking my first steps towards healing. I hope that you do the same.

~Natasha

Copyright 2018. Natasha L. Foreman/Natasha Foreman Bryant. All Rights Reserved.

Sources:

Dwight Carlson, MD. (2000). Overcoming Hurts & Anger: Finding Freedom From Negative Emotions
Harris. S. Goldstein, et al “Relationship of Resting Blood Pressure and Heart Rate to Experienced Anger and Expressed Anger,” Psychosomatic Medicine, 1988, Vol 50, pp. 321-329.

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I can’t believe that it’s already mid-July. It seems like last week was the first week of January. Maybe it’s our busyness or the chaos of life intertwined with the never-sleeping age of technology that keeps us buzzed, connected, and feeling like time is passing us by.

Some days feel like they zoom by while others feel like they painfully linger to remind you that you don’t have your “stuff” together.

Today I’m going to be transparent which is difficult for most people who even in their oversharing through social media, aren’t authentically transparent—it is still a mirage. But I’m moved to share with you today because there are plenty of people out there that see a public image of me and I’ve heard the fantasizing remarks made by some of you about how much you wish you could live my life, even the fast-paced moments that you have seen captured by video and pictures. I think it’s important to see the inside of the humans we admire, so we can see the real and appreciate the struggle. So this post isn’t a quick quote but rather a longer message, giving you a peek inside of me. I hope it helps someone.

Today I reflect on a Walt Disney quote:

This is a snapshot of a journal that I bought and began using briefly in 2014. I now am fully invested in writing in it. It’s my Dream Book, where I list and map out my dreams that I intend to pursue as goals. It’s about me overcoming fears and accomplishing what some may deem the impossible.

When I first started writing in this book I had huge lofty dreams that were being taunted and attacked by some real-life “dream terrorists”. I didn’t realize how exposed and vulnerable I was. I didn’t realize that I didn’t know what I didn’t know about the people around me and my personal and professional circumstances. I had no clue what I was facing. I had no clue the role I was playing in my own destruction.

My intuition told me to prepare myself for these attacks and for my world to be tossed and turned, trampled over, and discarded—but the dreamer in me wanted to believe that my gut instincts weren’t accurate and that it was merely fear and a need to protect self that was motivating these thoughts and feelings. I convinced myself that I was self-sabotaging out of fear of having greater than I imagined.

I was partly correct but mostly incorrect.

My dad used to tell me growing up, “listen to that faint, small voice within…that’s God speaking to you…when you ignore that voice you always screw things up…” Dad was right. When I don’t listen to that voice that we call our intuition, that voice that people say women are more in tune with than men, we find ourselves blundering and things really fall out of control.

What I know to be true about me is that I self-sabotage a lot, both personally and professionally. I can take a huge leap and then freak out because I begin to speculate if the leap was too big and “what if I can’t handle what comes next?” and so I shrink within to find a comfort zone, a neutral place, that ultimately sabotages what I really want—and that’s to fulfill and live out my dreams.

I’ve passed up major career opportunities.

I’ve avoided other career opportunities— refusing to even make the call, apply for, submit the bid, etc.

When I was in my twenties I walked away from romantic relationships that I felt were moving too fast or too good to be true, or the guy was too nice (ummm yeah, stuck on stupid I most definitely was).

But in 2014 that wasn’t fully the reason for my grief. Yes, I was sabotaging my professional life due to second guessing my abilities and if what I was doing was relevant. I also discovered that my personal “reality” wasn’t accurate and there were people around me and in my inner circle who didn’t have my best interests at heart. I realized that there was a game of deception being played and I just never realized I was the key target. I found myself pulling back and settling into a position and role that I was both unfamiliar with and uncomfortable in.

It was eating me up from within. The pain began to manifest physically and my body was under attack, but doctors in several different specialities could never ascertain what was causing the issues. I was poked and prodded for what turned out to be 18 months, and even now, three years later, no one knows what caused me so much physical pain for almost two years. All we do know is that I’m no longer in pain.

The only tool and weapon I had (and still have) to combat what I was facing was prayer. For those of you who aren’t the praying types, consider meditation or self-reflection, or anything else that positively takes your mind off of the negatives and helps you to disconnect and focus on the positives. Please note that drugs and alcohol aren’t positive releasers and disconnectors. No judgment just facts.

In 2014 my Dream Book began as a book for positive affirmations and dreaming. I used it to help me see myself and my circumstances in a different light and through a different lens. But as I mentioned earlier, I was also in denial about the attacks against me. In 2015 the attacks became more frequent yet I remained in denial, still trying to hold on to my reality and thinking that I could still live out my dreams—even though I was slipping farther and farther away from reaching them.

The public saw me in one light but my reality wasn’t even close. I began to feel like I was in quick sand and I couldn’t remember what to do to get out. I went to counseling and I will never forget what my therapist told me. He said (and I’m paraphrasing), “Natasha you’re invisible in your life. Everything is about everyone but you. Where are you? Where are your clearly defined boundaries? What do you want and need?”

My therapist was correct. I had molded myself for others but when I looked I couldn’t really see me and that’s why I had also began to lose my zest and zeal, and lose a grip on my passion. I was helping other people reach their goals, fulfill their missions, but I was no closer to reaching my own. I altered my thinking to align to others, for a cause, for a mission, but what about the things God had called on me to do? What was I doing to fulfill those things? What about my dreams that were sitting on standby? I convinced myself that my busyness was action, when it really was just quick sand.

December 2015 I was in the hospital fighting a pulmonary embolism, and I began to see glimpses of my truth. I was determined to turn things around in 2016.

I thought I knew how. I thought I was ready. Boy was I wrong….

The year 2016 clobbered me extremely hard. Literally (okay, figuratively) I got hit with a right hook the first week of January. Jeesh, who starts out the New Year with a psychological fat lip? Yours truly! It was like fighting a heavy weight contender with your hands and feet bound.

I was going through the motions and praying for positive change, but sadly I wasn’t even listening to my “boxing trainer” that was sitting in my corner of the ring. My “trainer” kept telling me to “get off the ropes…block it…hands up…hands up dang it“. Before I knew it I got rope-a-doped.

Year-end knocked the wind out of me and as I reflected back over the year I realized that with the exception of a few minor things, my 2016 was really no different than the two years prior. I was still invisible and clearly still ignorant, because I kept pressing forward thinking that the attacks against me would subside and that there was no true threat, that eventually everything would work itself out and all would be well. And guess what? To add to all of this, I was still self-sabotaging and not seeing it.

If only I had paid attention to the fact that my Dream Book had dreams that I never fulfilled because I never truly took the steps to attain them. I wasn’t actively pursuing them, I was passively wishing upon a star. I was in a rut. I never untangled myself from the things and the people that were holding me back and preventing me from having what I desired most. I never checked myself and put a stop to the self-sabotage of my professional career.

My fears were helping my attackers.

You can operate in fear short-term but it’s not a long-term strategy. Short-term it can give you the adrenaline rush to eventually build the courage to fight back. But long-term it paralyzes and destroys you from within. No one that we read about in books, watch in movies, or see in magazines and interviews are or were successful because they walked around in a constant (or near constant) state of fear every day. It’s not that they don’t fear things and have moments of anxiety and depression. It’s that they learn how to pick themselves up and push hard for what they want because they are driven by their passions. It is when they lose hope and stop living for those passions that they slowly start to die (first spiritually and then mentally and physically).

December 6, 2016 I had written in my Dream Book the things I was grateful for and the things I claimed I was still passionate about pursuing.

Then my Dream Book wasn’t touched again until May 5, 2017.

What happened?

One of my biggest fears and nightmares became my reality. I was blindsided by something that my intuition, the little voice within, warned me about years earlier—that voice that kept prodding me to be prepared, yet I ignored it. Well now the fear that was keeping me from making certain moves in the past, was glaring at me in my face and nothing I did to fight back worked. I was praying for something that clearly wasn’t meant to be, not for me, not based on the factors placed before me. By the end of January I gave up and faced my fear head on. It hurt deeply. It hurt like sudden death.

My dreams seemed shattered. Everything fell down around me and I didn’t have a back up plan. I wasn’t prepared for my world to implode. I wasn’t ready for what God had been trying to prepare me for, for a few years now.

So I took a break from all personal and professional obligations, well with the exception of keeping my household in order and teaching my college classes—because I still needed structure to keep me going strong. But everything else took a back seat.

I had to peel back the layers and look at my life and my world. There were so many layers that were merely a facade. I looked at my life and where I was professionally and with the exception of teaching at the collegiate level, my other passions were so far out of my grasp. I wasn’t jumping up out of bed excited about starting my day. I had spurts of this excitement over the years but honestly, those were reactionary moves in response to attacks made against me—they were reactionary and reflexive, a sign that “old Natasha” was still inside of me, still fighting, still trying to shine and live life fully and intentionally. It was “new Natasha” that was confused, scared, and lost.

The woman that people applaud for her public efforts, philanthropy, passion, and “let’s get it done” attitude was and still is battling the fear within that paralyzes and leans towards sabotaging behavior.

May 6, 2017 I looked at my Dream Book. I looked at how I had survived the year thus far, and I looked around at the people who were still beside and those who were no longer there. And I smiled brightly.

One of my worst nightmares didn’t destroy me. I wasn’t prepared for it but life’s earlier storms and nightmares had strengthened me enough to endure this clobbering. Two months earlier several friends, new and old, joined me for dinner to celebrate blessings, life, and my new chapter in life. The month of May I made the decision to stop with the self-sabotage, to stop being invisible, to stop being everything for everyone but me, to chase and grab ahold of those dreams, to stop being consumed by other people’s opinions, and to start being more obedient to that still, small voice within.

I know it’s a process, “one moment at a time“, as my aunt Debborah taught me a few months ago. I also know that God keeps these dreams brewing inside of me for a reason, and I don’t want to take my last breath with shoulda, woulda, coulda regrets. I want to leave here saying “dang I did a lot, lived a lot, loved deeply, and had a blast!”

The attackers in your life don’t think you have it in you, or they fear that you do, so they work ten times harder to beat the hope out of you. Fight back with action, with living, and with snatching back every dream they try to crush. This is your life so live it like tomorrow isn’t promised, because it’s not. People can only take what you give them access to. People can only ride your back if you bend over.

If you want to start your own business, get the tools and resources that you need to succeed and then go do it!

If you want to be a parent, stop waiting for perfect and just go do it!

If you want love stop running from it!

If you have a dream to be something great then do whatever it takes (positively) to make that dream your reality.

God doesn’t place big dreams in your mind and heart for you to simply skim small portions off for a nibble or two. As Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it“. They are our dreams for a reason. Pursue them. Don’t allow anyone or anything stand in your way, not even your biggest barrier—you!

Oh and by the way, when you step or fall in quick sand the fastest way out isn’t struggling against the sand. Experts say that by laying flat on our backs and allowing our bodies to come to the surface, it actually releases the grip. There’s a lesson there. Sometimes we have to just calm down, let go, stop struggling, and allow the grip to release. When we don’t, the more we freak out and struggle the farther down we sink in the quick sand. 

Here’s to being free!

Love,
Natasha

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A few days ago I had the pleasure of chatting online with a woman who I know God sent to speak to me that day, Ms. LeVeda McCou. We met years ago within professional settings and instantly we clicked. I’ve always liked her bold, go-get-it attitude and personality.  When her path took her elsewhere professionally we continued to stay in touch through social media. Well to make a long story short, LeVeda reached out to me to verbally and spiritually pour into me what I’ve been pouring into others but neglecting to reserve some for myself. Charity starts at home and when you forget to take care of your needs you can feel completely depleted when life clobbers you.

Below are excerpts from our online chat. LeVeda’s words hit home and touched me to my core, forcing me to rise up from my slumber and stand on my feet as the woman she and others have grown to admire. When you’re going through hell oftentimes you don’t realize how much you have helped others, how much of your strength has strengthened others, and how many people are actually standing by watching and cheering for you. We always think of our “haters” but we don’t consider all of our supporters and those who as LeVeda put it, “need you to thrive“. If you don’t have people around you who will pour positivity back into you, then you need to reconsider who you associate with—you may actually have more takers in your life than givers. I’m grateful that I have plenty of givers that surround me and remind me of what matters most.

It’s important that we all remember why we get up each day, why we go to work, why we’re determined to be great entrepreneurs, teachers, artists, leaders, etc. Why do we have this urge to do more and be more? Why do we feel like we’re falling short of where we need to be in life? Why do others look up to you, admire you, want you to be their mentor or coach? What is it about you that makes others “hate” or “love” you? Why are you a force to be reckoned with? Why is it never an option for you to simply give up and quit? Why is mediocrity never the level that you’re allowed to sink to? Why have your failures been setups for success, rather than plain ole’ failures? Why have you been called to lead, serve, give, sacrifice, share, invest, and do more than your mind can currently comprehend? Why does God want you to succeed?

Thank you again LeVeda for your powerful words and for obediently listening to God when He said, “contact Natasha”. He knew what I needed and you didn’t hesitate to be the messenger. Thank you sister girl. I’m determined to Recover My WHY!

LeVeda’s Words

…I’m so proud of you…

When I met you I knew that you were strong, great, simply bad ass….

Believe Your Own Magic No matter what!!!

You are the sh*t!!!

Find yourself it’s incredible. You have so many people to help….

Oh your life helps people….You’ve done the work to be who you are. You just have to remember your WHY.

That’s all. It’s all there. It was just put in the corner. It’s real easy….

You are great. God saved your life. His best is waiting for you. So recover the WHY.

Believe Your Own Magic…and everything will begin to unfold.

I have discovered there are always people around that has you in mind.

There is a platform bigger than the one you had. That was practice. And it was imperative for you to understand that. Trust and believe me.

Don’t believe nothing else but that it’s a journey and you got this.

We need you to thrive.

Our life experiences are not just our own. We go through them to shorten the healing time of others.

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The above featured video is our first of many, to tell our story and share our vision for Storiboard Nation. We’re working hard to meet the needs of our members who shared their feedback on the type of online community and mobile app they desired. There’s been many sleepless nights to build an online environment that is free of bullying, discrimination, intolerance, and toxic role models.

Yesterday we launched a crowdfunding campaign to cover the development costs of this phase of our buildout. Your support would help us open the virtual doors of Storiboard Nation this Fall to the various mentoring organizations, schools, programs, and groups, who are all very eager to experience the new and improved Storiboard Nation.

Imagine connecting with positive role models from around the world using your mobile device, tablet, or computer?

Imagine teachers, parents, counselors, principals, coaches, and librarians all connecting with each other online—and most importantly, connecting with our youth who need guidance, support, and encouragement—especially during non-school hours.

If you’re interested in learning more about Storiboard Nation and seeing how you can support our efforts to build an online community that doesn’t tolerate bullying, judgment, or discrimination of any kind, visit this link

If you’re interested in learning more about how you can help us build an online community where teens look forward to connecting with their teachers, counselors, coaches, mentors, and yes—even their parents—then please visit this link (and we hope you will share it with others):  https://igg.me/at/SBNation/x/13975629

Being a role model isn’t about being perfect, it’s about sharing your stories. We hope that you will share yours on Storiboard Nation very soon!

~Natasha Foreman Bryant, Co-Founder of Storiboard Nation

 

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Story and photo shared by rackemup.org:

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. 
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. 

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. 

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.” 

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.” 

“Of course I can,” said the father.

It’s not always anger, it is your actions in general. There are no “fresh starts” in life. There is no new beginning. Forgiveness comes easy for many people but the scars of the past, they never go away. Watch what you do today, because sometimes the price isn’t worth the reward.

Source: rackemup.org