Tag: self-assessments

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I decided to add some flavor to this post by using my Bitmoji’s to visually express what I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t know if you or someone else will relate to my message. I don’t know if it will help you, but I hope it helps someone while it works on helping me. Are you ready to begin? Then let’s do this!

Starting today I’m focused and committed to …

I can’t count on anyone else to take care of me in all the ways that I need, or even in all of the ways that I care for others. And that’s okay.

My self-care is vital to my survival, mission, and calling. I can’t take care of anyone else if I’m neglecting myself. If I die today everyone and everything will be left as they are. So I can’t walk around feeling guilty for lovingly saying…

Or “No” or “Not today” or “Not this year” or “Thank you but no thank you”.

Because if I weren’t alive those same people couldn’t ask me. Right?!? I mean some folks would probably DM or text me not knowing I had passed away, because they only hit me up when they need an endorsement, donation, or help in some other way. You know exactly what I’m talking about, you have some of those folks in your life too. Funny thing, it might be you!

I have to keep reminding myself what my therapist told me years ago— I have to “set healthy boundaries with everyone and stop erasing those boundary lines to accommodate people and then get upset when they cross the line,” and remember that “A giver always attracts takers”. So I have to be okay with respectfully telling someone…

Whenever I feel pressure mounting and begin realizing that I’m being clobbered spiritually, emotionally, and physically, I’ve learned that I’m leaning too much on the natural and not enough on God, so it’s imperative that I get realigned. I’m at that point.

I’m not writing this message because it’s a new year. Not for some daggum resolution. But because I’m only given one life in this one body. I only have 24 hours in a day and can only safely take in 17 of those hours, because at least seven of those 24 hours I’m supposed to be resting and recharging. Little by little, day by day, I’ve been growing into this realization that enough’s enough. Like, when people say “are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?” And you sit there nodding your head up and down in the affirmative, wondering “how did they know?”

I saw a post on Instagram that said that, pandemic aside, if people’s homes brought them peace and tranquillity they would rarely leave. The video had images of the person’s apartment, all plush and inviting. It went on to say that you see folks rushing to go to bars and this place and that place, basically anywhere, because they can’t stand the clutter and chaos of their home, or maybe it’s lacking the positive energy that they desperately crave.

Many of us have laughed at jokes and stories about people who get off of work and find every excuse to not drive straight home, sitting as long as possible in shopping center parking lots, slow-creeping, like a snail, taking forever to get out of the car and trying to take as long as possible to enter the door of their home?

Yeah, see I don’t want that. I don’t want to slow-creep at any point of my day. A casual stroll in the park or on the beach, yes I will take that. But where I rest my head should bring me peace. Whether I call it my home or just a place where I’m staying, it should be filled with peace. I want to rush there and be enveloped in its warmth and coziness. I want to inhale its healing essence.

But something that also comes to mind is how many people are working like crazy to have the house, cars, bling, and all of the stuff that screams success but then they’re too busy working to appreciate all of it? I mean, you have a pool and tennis court but you rarely use them. That sucks!

So that means that starting today, I’m reclaiming me and all that that means. It means fully embracing my positive femininity and dropkicking the toxic chick down the road. I want to embrace the fullness of my strength that comes from grace and dignity. Reclaiming me means obsessing less on that stupid hustle and grind nonsense for some crap I can’t take with me into the hereafter. I will do what I can with all that I can, and then I’m tapping out until the next designated day. I’m not here to compete to see who can slave away more hours in a 24-hour day. The most successful people have actually mastered getting more done in less time. It’s the rest of us who are clamoring to take part in the circus. I take no pleasure in killing myself and advertising it online or trying to rationalize it to my Creator.

Reclaiming me also means more focus on my dreams and taking in the daily gifts of this world. Time for nature, travel, exercise, game-play, pampering, and eating healthier— because let me keep it real with y’all, my vegetarian lifestyle has oh so been hijacked with processed junk over the past several months.

Let’s be clear, I’m not reclaiming with ultimatums or brute force. I’m not about to act a fool with you or anyone else over my peace of mind. I’m also not about to waste my time with long and drawn out pity parties. I will follow the rules I learned from a Mary Kay director in 2003. She said something to the effect of, “Set a timer for however minutes you need. Have your pity party and when that timer goes off, your party comes to an end”. I used to practice this all of the time and it worked. It gave me the moments I needed to fuss and cry, stomp around, shout, sob like crazy…

And then I would exhale, clean up my face, look around and see the world hasn’t ended, and then with gratitude in my heart, I would proceed with my day. Those moments were cleansing. They helped me flush out the energy that was trapped inside, rather than walk around all bottled up. Try it yourself and tell me what you think.

By the way, you know that the inflammation that is killing so many of us is trapped unprocessed toxic energy, right?

Another benefit to the timed pity parties is that it took less time and was safer than the long drives I would take on Pacific Coast Highway looking at the ocean and having a meltdown behind the wheel. I used to drive for hours. I mean don’t get me wrong you can have an amazing purge of energy at the beach. But ummm you need to park the car, not scream and cry while trying not to swerve into lanes of traffic.

I’ve known some things for years that I have struggled with and gotten counseling for, and read countless books on, but haven’t fully overcome. And that is, that I’ve given and sacrificed, lifted, protected, supported, nurtured, encouraged, sponsored, loved on, prayed for, poured into, and enabled a whole lotta folks—all while neglecting myself. This is something that we find countless women suffering through, oftentimes in silence.

I’ve been everything for everyone else, except myself. I’ve showed up for everyone else, except myself. I’ve been the biggest cheerleader for everyone else, except myself. I’ve invested in others but not enough in myself. I’ve promoted the heck out of other people’s businesses but not my own. I know some of you are guilty of doing the same thing. Don’t walk around carrying the shame. Recognize the err of your ways and then counter-correct.

I’ve watched myself disappear at times. I’ve watched myself shrivel and gasped in horror as parts of me began to die. The good parts. There have been times when I stopped recognizing lil’ ‘ole me…All the while I carried someone else, furthered someone else’s mission and vision, and helped someone else live out their dreams. Does this sound like someone you know?

That’s why I started picking up hobbies like hiking, crocheting, genealogy, puzzles, card games, learning new languages, and other interesting stuff—to make deposits back into me! What fun things are you focusing time and energy on to redeposit back into yourself?

I’m even reimagining where and how I want my next home. I’m tired of aligning to accommodate other people. I want what my heart and soul want and what I want is peace, joy, and tranquility. So I will make my space as I see fit. God’s providing me with the GPS and I’m excited about the adventure that awaits me.

I’m no martyr. I have no desire to be. I’m just a big-hearted empath that gives without expecting anything in return, and I give until I’m tapped out, drained, and limp. I don’t have healthy boundaries. I struggle with saying “No”. Then I get butt-hurt when someone takes advantage of me, when someone keeps taking because I keep giving. That’s not their fault. I just need to learn how to establish and enforce my rules of engagement, hours of operation, and how to focus on what I’m supposed to (like I shared in Episode 56 of the Don’t Call It Small…Business podcast). Maybe this reminds you of you or someone else that you love.

I love myself too much to be a shell of who God made me to be and called me to be. I’ve turned things and people into substitutes for Him. I’ve given things and people more attention than Him. I’ve ignored Him to rush to someone else. I’ve ignored Him thinking I was obediently following Him. I’ve ignored Him and involved myself in relationships that He had to shut down because I was too loyal and committed to walk away. My health problems over the years are from my neglect, from ignoring signs, from not taking care of me. How many of you are walking around ignoring the signs that your body is clearly sending you? How many of you are deferring that annual checkup and making excuses for why it can wait?

Whether you understand or not, can handle it or not, today and moving forward, I will be joyfully oblivious to anything that is not on God’s To-Do List for me. I will be unsubscribing from the drama. I will be tuning out the negativity and ignorance.

You can argue with your daggum self. You can have an attitude and give me the silent treatment. You can un-friend me, unsubscribe, block, do whatever. It’s all good. Because none of those things are on my To-Do List.

And there will be days where I’m going to be so focused on what I need to do to be a better person and servant of God, that I’m not going to even notice if aliens are morphing and finally letting us see they’ve been living next door (or under the same roof). I may be too focused to even do a double-take if the dinosaurs start resurrecting. Because guess what? It ain’t on my To-Do List.

I love you all and I hope and pray that you’re loving on yourself too. You can’t truly and fully love others until you learn to truly and fully love yourself.

~Natasha

Copyright 2022. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

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by Natasha L. Foreman, MBA

Employers are quick to provide assessments to new hires, and sometimes invest in the administration of these learning tools periodically for certain key employees; but how many business owners and entrepreneurs are also investing in self-assessments for themselves, and then concentrating efforts on assessing every employee regardless of position or title? I would say very few.

It is extremely important to pull out the metaphoric mirror and look closely at yourself, your skills, interests, abilities, and strengths. It is important to know your and your employees insights surrounding personality, values and attitudes, motivation, decision making, productivity, emotional intelligence, communication skills, leadership and team skills, power and conflict skills, and how well you (and they) do in and with certain organizational structures, change, stress, and work-life balance.

Taking assessments frequently, learning from the results, and applying what you have learned both in your career and personal life, help you to become and remain a balanced individual. Your focus should not just be on changing others and the world, you must first look at your personal change through growth- for positive results only come through change.

At Foreman & Associates, LLC we help entrepreneurs and their team work through and learn from the assessments we administer. Organizational behavior concerns arise when you don’t truly know those individuals who make up your company, and when they don’t truly understand you and their value in your organization. Crafting and executing strategy within an organization is pointless if you do not have the complementary variables and assets (employees and leaders) to help your organization get where you desire most.

If you don’t know how to properly engage, motivate, inspire, work with, communicate, and lead your employees effectively, guess what? They will model what they see and hear. If you (or a manager) are like a canon ball exploding in a crystal shop, but you need someone who has the finesse of a feather, how else will you initially filter through your team to find this person without using an assessment tool?

As a prospective or new business owner you have to ask yourself what type of decision maker, leader, delegator, manager, discipliner, and team builder you are. You have to know your strengths and weaknesses, and then build your strengths as you delegate in areas of weakness. An assessment can help with this. It will also help an existing entrepreneur who may be struggling with team alignment and organizational behavior concerns.

Think about the boss or manager that you had (before you became self-employed) who drove you batty, was stressed out, ornery, and ruled through fear and not care. What if he or she had been given an assessment to see which type of environment and position that fit best with their personality? What if an assessment was used to weigh their ability to lead with the type of respect and care that the organization expected? By highlighting that this person is a brute, narcissist, unethical, or has poor communication skills the manager has the option to change through growth and application of skills taught through a training program, or they can leave and go to a company willing to put up with their bulldozer mentality.

When building teams you need to see each member’s strengths and weaknesses and line them up accordingly. There has to be a well-blended and balanced mix that is mutually rewarding for all parties and stakeholders. An unmotivated person will only give partial effort…how does this affect your relationship with customers, vendors, and investors?

When considering the cost of investing in assessments for yourself, your leadership team, or your entire company, consider how much you will lose because you did not take the time to invest in those that make up your company. Consider how much you will lose because you didn’t take time to invest in making sure that all of the components and parts needed to make your dream a reality were present and aligned with your mission.

How much time and money do you have to lose? What are you willing to invest in your and your organization’s future? Contact Foreman & Associates, LLC today! http://foremanandassociates.info

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. Foreman & Associates, LLC. All Rights Reserved.